walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
