btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
