she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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