I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
