in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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