This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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