I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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