i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
