when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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