So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
