I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
