I will die if light touches me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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