wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
