They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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