I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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