I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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