Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
