Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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