So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't deserve a penis
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
