i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
