Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize