Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
