And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize