4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
