Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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