Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
