I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
