I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
