Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
