Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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