Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
