i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
