im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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