I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
