Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
