Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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