i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
