he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
