You really coming over, don't trick.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
