thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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