I didn't shave. On purpose
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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