I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You pole danced in your parka.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
