ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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