Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
