I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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