your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
