just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
