Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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