What a fucking waste of an outfit
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
