Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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