My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
