I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
