I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize