FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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