k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
