We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize