so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want a musical about memes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
