I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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