I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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