I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
