What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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