ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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