Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize