So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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