I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
