theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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