i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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