She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
