I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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