i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
