I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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