we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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