The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
