I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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