Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
