Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
