I am puke
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
