When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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