people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize