last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
