why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
