yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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