Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
