I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
