i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
