the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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