Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
