I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
