Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
