'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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