i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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