I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
