Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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