Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
