it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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