it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
