Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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