I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize